The 10 Best Pieces of Pregnancy Advice
On the eve of my due date, I sit here at the computer unable to sleep. Between the baby moving in my belly, Braxton Hicks contractions spontaneously occurring (that often render me helpless like a beetle on it's back struggling to get up) and the enormous pressure in my pelvis that whisks me off to the toilet only to expel an unimpressive thimble full of pee every 15 minutes I reflect upon my pregnancy and the 10 best pieces of advice I received over the past nine months. So here they are:
1. Learn to love your belly. After experiencing months of shock at seeing my enormous belly reflected in store windows and mirrors AND unfairly comparing myself to non-pregnant women on the street, I finally came to love my belly in a photo shoot my also pregnant girlfriend gave to me as a gift (see picture above). The photographer was so glowing and so supportive that I finally began to see what other people saw me as--a beautiful pregnant woman.
2. Beg and borrow maternity clothes. Know matter how ugly and how big some of the maternity pieces at the time may seem accept them anyhow as you truly don't know how big you may get. Putting away my pre-pregnancy clothes once I grew out of them was also such a blessing as it took away the sting of seeing all my great clothes I could no longer fit into and limited my grieving the loss of my previous size.
3. Let go of your due date. Did you know only 4% of babies are born on their actual due date? Who knew! I sure didn't. But once I found this little piece of information out along with the statistic that it is perfectly normal for a baby to arrive anytime between your 37-42 weeks of pregnancy I let go of my due date altogether. This has taken off a lot of pressure I might have put on myself and the baby.
4. Learn to enjoy your admiring public. Although, I never had to deal with strangers wanting to touch my belly (like so many other pregnant women complain about) I was blown away by the comments, advice and genuine interest of total strangers. It was my husband who helped me to start having fun with my new celebrity status. For instance after being annoyed by numerous comments such as, "Looks like your due any time now!" my husband suggested I say things like, "Yup, any minute now!" or "Can you believe I'm not due for another 7 months!" Over time I also began to realize that for the most part the public just wanted to celebrate this milestone and the dawning of a new baby brings up fond memories for many.
5. Find a health care practitioner you love. For me I liked my doctor but after five women suggested I go with a midwife (that are completely covered by the government in our area) I made the appointment and checked it out. In addition to always being on time, all of my appointments are 45 minutes long in which I am encouraged to ask ALL my questions. PLUS once I found out that the current statistics of using a midwife show significantly lower c-section rates, episiotomy and forcep use I was hooked. My husband took a bit more convincing but once he realized that our midwife is registered with a ton of education, helped deliver hundred of babies, can prescribe everything a doctor can, can deliver in a hospital and makes free house calls for the first six weeks of our little one's life he was onboard too and we haven't looked back. It saddens me when I hear some of the pregnant women in my pre-natal exercise class bemoan the state of their care--with doctors they don't connect with, who may not give them the time they need to ask their questions and don't truly support them especially when their fears rise. It pays to get someone you like and change them if need be.
6. Listen and learn to trust your body. Surrendering to my cravings, to the need to sleep more (sometimes I would simply sit down to rest and find myself waking up two or more hours later!) and to what was truly best for me (like baths instead of more work) was a gift in itself. Sometimes I fought the needs of my body but always when I listened I felt better. Also, reading books like the Girlfriends Guide (for the humor and practicality) to fabulous hardcore midwifery books like Ina May's Guide To Pregnancy (my favorite) helped me to learn to trust my body more than ever before. These books (another good one was Birthing From Within) helped to dissolve many of my fears as I learned things like no matter how big your baby may be, for the most part all babies heads are around the same size and are designed by nature to make the journey through the birth canal.
7. Find other pregnant women and hang out with them. My pre-natal exercise class is the best thing I have done during this pregnancy. Not only am I getting fit but I found a sense of belongingness in which I could really let my belly hang out with the best of them. Whenever I began to pity myself (i.e. dealing with an especially nauseous day) I would find another pregnant women who was going through a tougher situation (like kidney stones or painful hemorrhoids) or a real trouper in class would say something and simply lift my spirits. Plus, by finding other pregnant women I saved my non-pregnant friends the hassle of listening to me share every play by play experience of my pregnancy which likely saved a few of my friendships. ;-)
8. Spend money only on the baby things that will make a difference and borrow and buy second hand the rest. Being reminded that our baby could care less about paint chips and decor (only about being cared for) and that he will rapidly grow out of any and all clothes fast helped put my priorities in order. So we only splurged on the stroller (as I am a huge walker), on a safe care seat and on a glider once I realized just how many hours a day I would be spending in a chair breast feeding. These were the three most important things for us. The rest we either borrowed or bought second hand and boy did we save a mint! By getting so many great deals from places like E-bay and by going to a local "mothers of multiples" sale I saved enough to put away for extra cleaning hours, and a special service to bring meals in during the first three months.
9. "Morning sickness" is an outright lie. I repeat morning sickness is a lie. It can happen at any hour of the day, all day somedays and although, unusual can even creep into the second or third trimester like it did with me.
10. Everyone's experience of pregnancy is different so take what is useful and ignore all the rest. There are so many variables (like my girlfriend who was never sick a day nor tired a day in her entire pregnancy) , so many experiences and so many people dishing out advice. By taking what was useful to me and letting go of all the rest I made it through the nine months with my humor intact and still feeling supported. What I have learned is that pregnancy for the most part is the great equalizer--if you don't get something on one end you'll likely get something on the other. Fortunately, whatever the experience most of us end up with a little bundle of joy that makes it all worth it.
So I am off to bed now to join my sleeping husband and my five bedtime pillows that have become like dear friends as they assist me in making it through the night. As I go off to sleep, I go with gratitude in my heart knowing that soon we will be welcoming a beautiful new addition into our family. This truly is the miracle of it all. Wouldn't you agree?
