Parenting Present with Eckert Tolle: Simply Breathe More

"No!" delivered with a coy smile is currently my 1.5 year old son's favorite response to most everything these days.

This endless new game--a basic misbehavior millions of parents encounter hourly--once may have had me swimming in the parenting deep end, but not anymore. Along with my graduate studies in family counseling and the seven years of living in the parenting trenches with two blind brothers (who often made Hellen Keller's early defiance look like a cake walk), I now have added new depth and breadth by parenting consciously from "beingness" with much thanks to Eckert Tolle's and Oprah's New Earth work.

The formula for life and for parenting is simple: breathe.

Writing this last sentence makes me laugh. You see, I have delivered hundreds of parenting strategies that, for the record, do work and have worked on millions, but never have I suggested to a parent struggling with the latest misbehavior challenge to simply "breathe"--that is until now!

Along with millions of others, I have been touched, inspired and transformed by the work of Eckhart Tolle in his latest book, A New Earth and his online course with Oprah. His work has confirmed what I have always known--the best parents are those who are the most present for their children.

It is indeed our presence as parents that makes the best present for our children.

Easy to do. Nope, especially in the midst of award winning temper tantrums or your child's deviant look that says, 'GO AHEAD! MAKE MY DAY.' Yet, making the shift from the mind to the breath has provided me with more peace, more joy and more gratitude. It is as if the mommy worries, doubts, frustrations, stresses and pure exhaustion (from believing I had to do it all, and be all things to all people) have simply dissolved into nothingness.

These days, I am taking the art of parenting present to a new level and choosing to consciously "be" in the moment with full acceptance, rather than resistance, to my child's behavior.

So tonight when my son refused to brush his teeth, I sit on the toilet holding his brush in hand with eyes closed and just focus on my breath. In that moment I accept he is not going to brush his teeth--at least right now. And then I just wait. I breath. I inhale, I exhale. I focus on my hands, my feet, and my breath. After a while he approaches me, curious, then runs away. I breath. I breath. I breath. I BREATHE. He approaches again, but this time he sits and we brush. No yelling, no coercing--pure power from surrendering to the moment and simply breathing.

Sounds rather ridiculous (at least to the mind), yet pure genious and it works! So the latest parenting strategy I uphold is to simply breathe.

Episode 006 - Homework SOS: Parenting Homework Motivation Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling

Commonsense parenting tips that are fun, child-proofed and work to bring out kids' best!

In Episode 6 of the Ultimate Parent Podcast, Kelly Nault talks about how parents can motivate their children to do their homework without pulling teeth.

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Episode Resources

Ultimate Parent
When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You

Episode Credits

Voice Intro by Tom Matzen
Music by Farewell Redemption of the Podsafe Music Network

Child Discipline Do's and Don'ts from Rochester 98PXY Spezzano and Sandy Interview Now Uploaded

With thanks to 98PXY producer Amanda we now have a copy of the one hour radio interview on effective child discipline that I gave to Spezzano and Sandy on Rochester's #1 Hit Music Station 98 PXY in January 2007.

Click play button below to listen to this interview on effective discipline which includes all the call in questions from parents wanting to know how to deal with everything from a 4 year old who calls his mom "stinky mommy" to a nanny who struggles to be heard the first time.

Enjoy!



1 hour 98PXY Interview re: effective child discipline and parenting.

Britney Spears and Baby Blues: How to Prevent Postpartum Depression from Happening to You

Z95 Vancouver radio hosts Nat and Drew called me on air this week to ask if Britney Spears recent check in to the posh Malibu rehab center could have been caused by postpartum depression. My reply? Read on...

Until someone has walked in another women's nursing bra, one should never judge a new mother (as ALL moms do enough judging of themselves!). So what is going on for Britney is really between her and her loved ones and her therapists. Thus, whether she suffers from postpartum is pure speculation.

Yet, the fact is over 50% of ALL women giving birth do experience some form of postpartum depression or "baby blues!" Not surprising when you consider the amount of hormones our bodies produce, the fact that many of us have a cocktail of drugs coursing through our body from the hospital stay and the fact that uninterrupted sleep is non-existent. Sleep is one of the biggest challenges for new parents. Remember that sleep deprivation has been used throughout the ages as a form of torture and can wreak havoc on any body. Add to this mix possible hemorrhoids, recovering from a c-section, breast engorgement, crying (you and your baby) and it's enough to have on their knees crying the blues.

Fortunately, there are tips learned from some of the top midwifes, doctors and pediatric and community nurses that can curb postpartum and even prevent it.

Four Ways to Prevent and a Least Lessen the Effects of Postpartum Depression:

1. Make feeding your number one priority. During the first month make feeding your baby your number one priority as there is nothing worse than dealing with the stress of having your baby continue to loose weight. If you are breast feeding, practise feeding every hour during waking hours the second day of your child's life until your milk comes in. This gives you and your baby the opportunity to practice this life saving art as well as promotes quicker milk production. Also, make certain you have a proper latch by getting coached by nurses, lactation specialists, midwifes or members of La Leche League. If you are in the hospital don't leave the hospital until you are confident in your ability to feed. Finally, during the first couple of weeks wake the baby at least every 3 hours during the day to feed to ensure they are getting enough milk.

2. Focus on sleep. Repeat to yourself the following essential mantra: "I sleep when baby sleeps!" Sleep as much as you can especially during the first month. Let others do household chores and let your standards go. In places like Bali mothers are given a 4-6 week grace period in which they remain at home and are only expected to take care of the baby and themselves. This is wise practise for all of us to follow as it gives mom and babe a chance to bond and makes healthier, happier and more rested mothers period!

3. Limit your visitors. When a baby arrives, often everyone and there dog wants to visit, which can making "sleeping when the baby sleeps" next to impossible. If you allow your home to becomes a revolving door of visitors especially during the first month, new mothers can become exhausted. Remember that your baby will have their entire life to meet other people and only needs you right now. One simple way to keep guest visits short is to do something called, "robe play." Even if you have showered and put your clothes on for the day change into your robe or PJ's when visitors come. Why? Because this visual let's visitors know that you are not yet 100%. Recently, with the birth of my son, I was amazed how quickly guests would keep their visits short and sweet when they arrived to find me in my robe.

4. Take care of you to the best of your ability. Aside from sleeping when the baby sleeps find ways to do the little things that make you feel good like getting some fresh air now and again, brushing your teeth, having a shower and eating well! If you are breast feeding, your body requires 500 more additional calories (more than when you are pregnant!). You are now REALLY eating for two so eat frequently, eat well and drink lots of water.

How Others Can Help New Moms to Prevent Post Pardum :

Loving family members and friends can best be of service to a new mom by providing food, food and more glorious food! They can also do whatever they can to let mom (and dad) sleep, help run errands, do household chores and give the new family space . The best gift I ever received as a new mom was from my dad who hired a "post-doula" a couple times a week for the first six weeks who came in did our laundry, made meals and helped hold our crying son during difficult bouts to let us sleep.

When to Get Professional Help for Post Pardum:

Regardless of what you do if your hormones are out of whack and you need help, please seek help! There are many newborn hotlines, and doctors who can help get you back on track. If you experience any of the following you need outside help:

- Your depression interferes with your ability to care for your baby.
- You have thoughts of harming your baby or self.
- You cry for days.
- You feel intense fatigue or sleepiness and can't get up.
- You have days of feeling hopelessness and/or helplessness.

Picture with thanks of Fox News

The Secret: Parenting Success Secrets Using the Law of Attraction

Oprah audiences were recently a buzz discussing the universal truths held in the new movie "The Secret" which is defined by creator Rhonda Byrne as the law of attraction--the principle of "like attracts like." This universal truth states that we actively create our own circumstances and situations by the choices we make in our daily life. And each of our choices are fueled by our thoughts. For more check out: http://thesecret.tv/home.html . So how can this principle be applied to parenting...read on!

Attraction Parenting

Struggle is not part of the natural order of life. One never sees a cherry tree struggle to produce blossoms when given the right environment. Why? Because the tree is simply following its' purpose--its' very essence. Fortunately, struggle does not have to be part of the parenting equation either. When we consciously choose to harness the energy from universal truths such as the law of attraction we can quickly experience a happier, more peaceful and respectful home.

What is Attraction Parenting?

The people around us, especially those closest to us (like our children), continually reflect and respond to our feelings, energy and actions. Our kids behavior mirrors what is going on within us. If your kids currently have you in the "parenting deep end", it may be time to ask yourself, "How am I contributing to my kids behavior?"

- Are your kids simply responding to the stress you deeply feel?
- Are your children crying out for quality time with you, because you aren't giving quality time to even yourself?
- Are your kids no fun to be around because frankly, you aren't fun to be around?

We can't give, what we don't have. It is this simple.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #1 - You are modeling for your children how to behave every moment of every day.

Children watch what we do far more than they listen to what we say. Thus, if you are yelling at them to be quiet, pushing them to do what you want them to do, and using a disrespectful tone when frustrated--you are only teaching them how to treat you. Stop! Take a breath and make a commitment to walk your talk and model for your child what a happy and healthy human being looks like, talks like and acts like. Then watch them follow!

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #2 - You are your child's most powerful self-esteem mirror.

Your child seeks approval from you more than anyone else. To them, you are their mirror that tells them how deserving or unworthy they are. If you reflect positive feedback they will believe this, if you reflect negative they will believe this about themselves too. Although, children can eventually overcome poor self-esteem resulting from negative parenting, overt and even subtle put downs can prove devastating to their sense of self worth and well being. By using the power of your words and actions to encourage, rather than discourage, you can be a beacon of light that illuminates your child's worthiness. This powerful gift of positive mirroring can inspire your child to believe in themselves, to follow their passions and go on to live a life that is truly worth living.

Therefore, choose to reflect and mirror:

- Your child's brilliance for who they are and who they are becoming; not focusing so much on what they do.
- Your child's natural god given gifts that are unique to them.
- Your child's worth by being grateful for who they are, grateful for how they bring joy to your life and be thankful for all their contributions.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #3 - The more you focus on the positives of your child, the more you will experience them.

Whatever you focus on expands. Thus, if you spend much of the day nagging about all the things your child isn't doing, or all the bad things your child is doing, you are simply attracting more of these frustrating experiences to you! Instead we can take affirmative steps to create the behaviors we want by simply noticing and being grateful for what we do like. One of my favorite parenting gratitude techniques is what I call the "Dog Factor!" You know how dogs unconditionally show us love and affection--greeting us at the door enthusiastically whether we are gone for 2 days or 2 minutes? Well, apply this approach to your own family. Beam with love when they come home or when they enter the room.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #4 - Discipline only teaches children to do better next time, when they feel better.

This is probably this most challenging parenting tip for parents to swallow and accept. Discipline doesn't have to feel bad to be effective. In fact, most discipline that is based on punitive punishment, only teaches our kids to lie and not get caught next time! What you reap is what you sow. Thus, if your punishment is focused on rehashing all the bad things your child has done you are only attracting more of this bad behavior to you.

For discipline to really inspire children to want to do better next time it needs to:

1. Be respectful.
2. Focus on the solution and how to do better next time.
2. Any consequences given need to be directly related to the behavior.

By filling our home with positive, words and positive actions (even positive music) like the ones discussed above we can to begin to experience more and more positive interactions that warm the hearts of our entire family.

Episode 005 - Parenting Tips for Soccer Moms and Hockey Dads: How to Use Child Sports to Bring Out Their Best

Commonsense parenting tips that are fun, child-proofed and work to bring out kids' best!

In Episode 5 of the Ultimate Parent Podcast, Kelly Nault interviews a sports counselor on which sports provide the best learning ground for children and how parents can raise their child's self-esteem using sports.

Click the Arrow Below to Listen


Other Ways to Listen

Download the MP3
Subscribe to the Feed

Episode Resources

Ultimate Parent
When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You

Episode Credits

Voice Intro by Tom Matzen
Music by Farewell Redemption of the Podsafe Music Network

Next podcast - February 28, 2007

Child Discipline Do's and Don'ts for Parents

My favorite PXY Rochester Radio station (with Scottie, Sandy and Moose) had their phones lighting up this morning with parents desperate to know how to deal with the temper tantrums and disrespect from theirs kids. So grateful for the opportunity to share.

Below are some of the discipline basics.

Kelly Nault's Discipline Do's include:

1. Always use discipline that is related to the behavior you are trying to change.

i.e. Taking away their PlayStation when they have forgotten to clear the dinner table doesn't relate but not having bedtime stories until the dishes are completely clean does.

2. Deliver any discipline in a calm and kind manner.

Remember our kids watch what we do far more than they will ever listen to what we say. Therefore, stay away from having your own temper tantrums. ;-)

3. Follow through.

Do what you are say you are going to do! Why? Because if your threats are empty then you are only teaching your child that your word is no better than dirt.

Kelly Nault's Discipline Don'ts include:

1. Don't cave and give in to your child's demands!

If you give in to your child you are only sentencing yourself to more temper tantrums in the future as you are teaching them that being disrespectful is a powerful tool to get their way.

2. Don't give chances.

Giving many chances only teaches our kids to NOT listen to us the first time.

3. Don't yell or fly off the handle.

When your child is pushing every button you have (even some that you didn't know you had!) it can be difficult to keep our cool and yet, this is essential to solving the problem. If your adrenalin is pumping consider using a parent time-out--in which you take time to cool down so you can deal with your child in a calm and positive manner.

Most parents use forms of punishment to make their children pay for their mistakes. Parents often also believe that a child must feel bad. Unfortunately, this approach generally motivates children to learn how to not get caught next time--not learn how to do better next time. Harsh punishment that is not related to the misbehavior can also leave children with a bad taste in their mouth declaring that it "just isn't fair!" When kids feel hard done by they will often lash out and hurt their parents back which sets up an unhealthy cycle of revenge.

Stop the parenting insanity!

If you learn how to use discipline in a way that brings out the best in both you and your child you can experience more quality time together, greater moments as a proud parent and (sigh) more peace in your home.


With thanks to 98PXY producer Amanda we have a copy of the show below. Click play to listen to this interview on effective discipline which includes all the call in questions from parents wanting to know how to deal with everything from a 4 year old who calls his mom "stinky mommy" to a nanny who struggles to be heard the first time.

1 hour 98PXY Interview re: Effective Child Discipline and Parenting