Mr. Mom: Are Dads Helping Out More?

When it comes to chores do you have a helpful dad who pitches in? According to 2005 statistics, dads are more involved than ever before...but is it happening in your home?

Polling some of the moms on my online free parenting course Mommy Moments, many say they still feel the household chores and day to day organization rests heavily on their shoulders.

So Are Dads Really Helping Out More With Household Chores and Childcare?

This past week I gave a parenting interview live on radio about dads, chores and childcare as a new statistic Canada report stated the following:

• Men are spending 2.5 hours per day on average on unpaid work/chores around the house in 2005, up from 2.1 hours in 1986.
  
  
• Fathers reported spending about an hour a day on child care in 2005; mothers reported two hours. Both numbers were up from 1986, indicating parents are spending more time with their children even though they are also working longer hours.

Although, many dads seem to be helping out more, on average moms are carrying more of the load.

Could Moms' Perfectionism Prevent Dads From Helping Out?

Fortunately, I am blessed with a very helpful husband. Yet, what I have noticed is: What might be dirty to mom, may be perfectly acceptable to dad (or to the kids).

Running out the door two weeks ago, I left the kitchen a mess. Upon returning, the dishes were magically done and everything was put away. Elves? No, my husband surprised me. What was my immediate reaction? Gratitude. But upon closer inspection I couldn't help but see all the crumbs and dirty sink that was left behind. Fortunately, I knew well enough to keep my mouth shut and thank him for all he DID do and for all the time he saved me.

Nagging, I have learned the hard way, only prevents husbands, children and even friends from wanting to help out in the future. Yet, still my perfectionism sometimes gets in the way and I sometimes sadly sabotage a very well meaning gesture.

How To Inspire Dads and Kids to Want to Help!

Here are the household rules that bring out our loved ones best that I do my best to live up to:

1. Notice what you like far more than what you don't like!

2. Show your thanks and appreciation with words and hugs.

3. Ask politely and directly rather than deman, nag or tell.

Finally, sometimes I have learned that letting the little things go like crumbs can go a long way to a peaceful home.

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Click to listen to the live interview I gave on the subject of dads helping out with chores and childcare.

One Mom's Parenting Struggle: From Apple Cores to Discipline That Works!

"My daughter Samantha is incredible and I love her so much...yet, she drives me absolutely crazy!" says teary-eyed mom who is struggling with a 9 year old going on 48. "She fights me on everything...from reading to cleaning up her room to putting her darn apple cores in the garbage!"

Five minutes ago this mom was a stranger to me (an anonymous woman among 1800 at a women's conference in Dallas, Texas). Yet once she found out I am the author of the book, "When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You" out pours her dam of parenting frustrations and mommy-guilt. She feels alone, believes there is no hope; yet, I know there is.

Hundreds of thousands of moms encounter power struggles that make them weep. The hope? Well... that lies in the realization that:

• "If you care about any issue more than your child you've got an uphill battle you will never win. The only way to make your child see your point and gain her full support is when you find your child's buy in--the what's in it for me!"
  
  - Kelly Nault, MA, Award Winning Parenting Author and Founder of Ultimate Parent

Samantha's mom looks at me bewildered and asks, "But how can I find her 'buy in' with something like putting her apple cores in the garbage instead of leaving them all over the house? I've asked her a hundred time to do this!"

"So stop asking, and start doing! If you carefully follow my simple instructions your apple core dilemma will be solved in a matter of less than two weeks."

Here's what I shared:

"Simply and kindly tell Samantha that you are tired of picking up apple cores and from now on if you find any apple cores lying around the house you will not buy apples the next time you go to the grocery store."

"Let her know you will be happy to try it again the next time you go to the store, but if she chooses to leave apple cores lying around the house you will not buy apples next time. The key to your success is to not mention or point out the apple cores when you see them. Instead of nagging, just throw them out and do not buy apples during your next grocery run."

"If she makes a fuss when she sees no apples, smile at her kindly and say something like, I'm happy to buy apples next time I go to the store and if you choose to throw them out in the garbage I will happily continue buying apples for you."

What Does Parenting Have to do with Tires?

Do you ever worry that you are not getting enough quality time with your kids? If you do you are not alone!

Last month I was hired as the parenting and media spokesperson for Fountain Tire (49% owned by Good Year Tire) to help roll out their 50th Celebration "Gift of Time Campaign" as a way of saying thank you to their cutomers. The campaign included surveying 1662 parents to discover what there inner most thoughts were on getting (or not getting!) quality time with their kids, creating 10 quality time parenting tips (that I get to share with you now!) and then going on media tour to share the news with over 1.6 million Canadians.

The parenting survey results on quality time are below.

See if you agree or disagree with these parents concerns:

• 46% of parents report feeling guilty when they spend time alone, "because I think I should be with my family and child."
  
• 76% of parents agreed with the statement, "If I could change one thing about my life , it would be that I could spend more quality time with my child."
  
• 68% of parents feel they are "burned out" by their busy schedule

If you are at all concerned about getting more quality time with your kids read my parenting tips article on quality time with kids OR listen to my recent radio parenting interview on this very subject.

Kelly Nault's Disappearance:
Pregnancy and Nausea and a Dose of Humility!

Green was never my best color and after months of nausea 24/7 it certainly hasn't become a color I enjoy.

It has now been over five months of feeling stranded out at sea wretching over the side of the boat with no shoreline in sight. Yes, Kelly Nault is pregnant and there have been many moments when I wonder how something so beautiful like bringing a new life into this world can start out so ugly.

Many moms have told me that pregnancy is the great equalizer--if you don't get it on one end you'll get it on the other. Well, I believe I have paid my dues.

So as I helplessly watch my emails pile up and leave my to do lists unchecked I realize that mother nature is preparing me to re-prioritize and to chill out a while.

The thing is I don't want to chill out a while!!! I want to be productive, to get things done and to be that Super Woman I know I can be. Yes, even a recovering Super Woman like me has her relapses!

So I pout, I whine and I cry like a baby. Why? Because I am not in control and I am definitely not getting my way!

My biggest pity party came when my husband found me pruned up in the bath (I was in there for 2 hrs) having a hormonal breakdown saying things like:

• "Just so you know I don't think I will EVER want to have sex again!"
• "We are definitely adopting next time!"
• "From now on there is a ban on ANY cooking as smell makes me sick. Cracker diet only!"
• "YOUR baby just won't fit in my uterus." (As I point to my belly)
• "I am just not good at being pregnant."

Yes, this was my low of lows. Quite pathetic I know, but female hormones can look pathetic.

Finally, I surrendered to the couch potato lifestyle and sadly, realized the world can (quite happily) go on without me. This dose of humility put me in my place and took the pressure away. And the more I surrender to "what is" and accept "what is"... the easier it all becomes.

Then suddenly land appears and I have my energy back! Yeah! My pregnancy nausea sea legs still trip me up from time to time but now as the baby starts to kick (and even hiccup in the womb) I find myself happy once again. :-)

If you have been wondering where Kelly Nault disappeared to now you know. The good news? In the next few months there will be more parenting resources added to the http://www.ultimateparenting.com site including many of my radio parenting interviews you can listen to for free and gain more practical parenting tips.