Parenting SOS:
"My Biting Toddler is Biting the Dog and the Baby!"

Parenting Biting Question: Kelly my 1.5 year old has taken to biting both the dog and the baby. I've tried many things and have read many parenting books but am without a solution. What can I do? I am worried that he will either hurt our baby or the dog will hurt him. - Mom of Two Seeking Biting Solution

Parenting Solution to Biting:

When your sweet child has turned into your household vampire many a mom and dad are left at a loss of what to do. Biting is common in toddlers who are non-verbal and lack the words to express their frustration. Although biting is common, it does not mean you need to put up with the behavior and there are ways of making biting less appealing to your toddler.

Here are four effective parenting steps that can guide you toward a biting solution in your home:

1. Find your child's biting pay off. Ask yourself, "Why is my child biting?" For every negative misbehavior there is a powerful purpose--a pay off for children. Find your child's pay off and you will be pointed into the direction of the solution.

In my years of working with children, I would make an educated guess that one of the pay offs for your toddler's biting is he gets your attention. With a new baby needing so much of your attention (especially is you are breast feeding every couple of hours) your oldest now has to share your attention--something he never had to do before. A new sibling requires quite the adjustment for your first born who was used to having all your attention to himself.

When children aren't able get and keep their parents' attention positively they will settle for negative attention because some attention is better than none at all! And biting is a powerful hook to take your attention away from the baby and put it on your toddler instead. My guess is that this is just the thing he is looking for.

2. Remove the parenting hook. As parents we can never truly change our child's behavior--influence yes--but change no. Children only change when they ultimately want to and it serves a purpose. The good news is that by changing our behavior and our reaction to theirs we can experience positive change.

Ask yourself, "What can I do to change my reaction to the biting?" My suggestion is to use a neutral reaction when dealing with biting. Friend and parenting colleague Char Wenc suggests you use the same tone you would with the drycleaner (polite but not overly engaged). Say matter of factly once and once only, "Biting is not allowed." Quickly hug your child and remove them from the room OR remove the baby or dog and go about your business. Turn your back on them if need be but do not become engaged with them (other than the quick hug) at this time.

3. Discourage biting by consistently acting and follow through. Make certain you are not raising your voice, lecturing, yelling or biting back in any way. Any aggressiveness on your part will only model for your toddler that this is appropriate behavior. Each time he bites respond in the non-chalant manner recommended in step two and follow through each and every time.

4. Prevent biting behavior by giving your child what they really want and need. A little of your positive attention can go a long way. With the demands of a new baby it can be next to impossible to carve out extra time to spend 1-1 with your toddler and yet, if you don't give it to him, he will continue to demand it with negative behavior. Ellict the help of your husband, family or friends to spend time with the baby so you can spend a little more happy play time with your toddler. Last but not least, when you see your toddler being gentle with the baby and dog notice this by saying something like, "Look at how the baby loves to be touched by you when you are gentle."

Biting is an unfortunate solution many toddlers have found to hook their parents into giving them attention. If parents change their tune by not giving much attention when toddlers demand it, and instead give their attention when their child is doing things they appreciate, we will soon find that biting is reserved for favortie crackers only!

If you have not yet signed up for the free online parenting course do so today so you can give your children more of what they want and need.

(Toddler biting picture above with thanks from www.millville.org)